Sparks, you amaze me.

Sparks does amaze me sometimes. He can be a jerk, but I like him. In this scene, Sparks and the commander are on a submarine, carrying the apocalypse device, the Z-Bomb.

“I think you need a drink, sir.”
“Time is an illusion.”
“Lunch-time doubly so.”
“What?”
“I thought we were quoting Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?”
“And why would we be doing that, Sparks?”
“I don't know sir, you were asking me what time it was and I was avoiding the question. I thought you were being clever.”
“I don't have any time for unoriginality, Sparks.”
“Sorry sir.”
“Nor does the man in charge.”
“That'd be you, sir.”
“I mean the big guy upstairs.”
“I hate to be a smart-ass sir.”
“No, Sparks, you love it.”
“Can I make the joke then?”
“Did you think it up yourself?”
“I suppose so, sir.”
“Then go for it.”
“There's no one upstairs but leagues of water, sir.”
“Sparks.”
“Sir?”
“Sometimes I wonder.”
“Sorry, sir.”
“What time is it?”
“Lunchtime, I think.”
“Are you being clever?”
“I would never do that.”
“Now here's what bugs me. You all know what time it is. Don't give me that face, Sparks. Yes, that face. Stop it.”
“It is lunchtime, though. I'm hungry.”
“I hereby forbid eating until someone gives me the time of day.”
“It might be night though, sir, and with all due respect I doubt you can enforce such an order.”
“Mutiny? Is that mutiny I hear?”
“If that's what you want.”
“What if I don't?”
“Then you can just call it insubordination. Or you could just call it happily obeying orders.”
“Wisely said, Sparks.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“Sparks, look around. What if all of this were to be destroyed in four minutes?”
“Four minutes?”
“Yes, all of it.”
“The submarine?”
“No, everything. The entire world. The air raid sirens just blew your four minute warning.”
“I don't think we'd hear the air raid sirens down here.”
“Are you trying to mollify me, Sparks? Is that what you do in here every day when I ask you important questions?”
“No sir.”
“Well then, the world has four minutes left.”
“It does?”
“This is a hypothetical situation, here, Sparks. A game.”
“Well but considering what we have on this submarine, sir, you can understand my concern.”
“We have nothing on this submarine, Sparks, but we do have recording devices.”
“Of course, sir. Sorry, sir.”
“Four minutes.”
“Why four minutes?”
“Because that's how long a warning you'd get if a nuclear missile were flying towards your head, Sparks. Play the damned game.”
“Alright.”
“What if: four minutes.”
“Well, is the world going to take four minutes to be destroyed, or does that mean the end of the world begins in four minutes.”
“I don't see how that matters, Sparks.”
“Of course it matters. Say the world was enveloped by Gray Goo, and it takes four minutes to eat everything away. In that case I wouldn't be thinking much other than AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGH.”
“Sparks, you never cease to amaze me.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“We're getting off the subject here Sparks. There's none of this Gray Goo stuff. I don't even know what that is. Is it real?”
“Is what real?”
“Gray Goo?”
“What do you mean by real, sir?”
“Sparks, you know that if it weren't for the rule of law and our American government I'd punch you in the face until you bled from your eyes.”
“I'm thankful for that, sir.”
“For my wishing pain worse than death on you?”
“For the rule of law, sir. I'm not very strong; I wouldn't get very far without it.”
“You won't get very far with it, with your attitude. America is strong though, Sparks, and so by association you are too.”
“But the world is going to end?”
“In four minutes.”
“Because of Gray Goo?”
“No. Damn it Sparks, you don't listen.”
“I'm trying to, sir. Sorry.”
“It doesn't matter why it's ending, it's ending.”
“Maybe I'm getting an operation in four minutes, with a very low expectation of success.”
“Sparks, that's not the end of the world, that's just you dying.”
“I don't see the difference.”
“The end of the world, everyone dies. If you die, everyone survives.”
“So the end of the world is better, then.”
“Yes. I mean. No. I mean, Sparks, you make coffee nervous. It's like talking to a... to a... I don't even know. The end of the world is worse. More people die.”
“But then no one will be sad that I died.”
“Sparks, no one will... I mean. I suppose. You're missing the point. What would you do if you had four minutes?”
“Four minutes until what?”
“You know, maybe you're right.”
“About what?”
“I need a drink.”